Reflection

I have been so encouraged lately. Through meeting with Godly women and just reflecting over the past 9 months I see the sovereignty of God. It was the hardest time of my life, and I am still healing from the wounds left from the lies, misunderstandings and hurts of others, as well as the consequences of my own behavior. But I have such peace in that I was honest before the Lord and others- I spoke truth when it wasn’t easy because I wanted to obey the Lord and love the people around me. There is not kindness is flattery or surface talk. I want to be a woman who speaks His words when commanded to, no matter what may happen following. I love the Lord more than ever, have deep intimacy, have healed in so many ways, learned the meaning of true friendship and the hurt of false friendship and just been refined in so many ways by my the Great Gardener. I was afraid my heart would close up after all the hurt from the summer and early fall, but instead, through God’s grace, it bloomed more in vulnerability. Only because I clung to Him, and through the hardship He gave humility and brokenness in a way only He can. Of course I have a long way to grow, but His faithfulness in every area of my life is clear. My relationship with Jeremy has grown and strengthened, my friendships with those who truly know my heart have deepened and endured, and most importantly, my walk with the Lord has become my rock, my whole identity. Praise Him for using the bad of life and in His way changing us and making us more like His Son through it.
And there is so much that He has ingrained in the core of my heart through this. Compassion is perhaps the biggest. Being worn and weary for days on end from sickness, heartache and despair is beautiful in a way. It peels the layers of yourself, revealing the Christ that was imparted in you when you asked Him into your life. Then you are free to love, to serve, to be, without any pressure, any hindrance of pride, or insecurity. It is as if I am truly becoming hidden in Christ. Oh that we would see this life for what it is; we are not here for ourselves, for fun, for pleasure, but we are here for Him- To seek Him, to hold fast to Him, to rest in Him when all around us is restless and to then magnify Him.
Peace between brother and sister is so important and in Romans it says, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” In my heart I did all that I did to obey the Lord- things revealed undoubtedly to me through intense prayer and reliance on Him. And at the end of the day, having peace with God is the most important thing we can have- because ultimately only the Spirit can change the hearts of others- but through Christ, my own heart can be changed and aligned with His.
And so I am reminded of Elisabeth Elliot’s words, “If through losing what this world prizes we are enabled to gain what it despises- treasures in heaven, invisible and incorruptible-isn’t it worth any kind of suffering?” We may lose our reputation, our popularity, even friendships- but what we gain far outweighs those things- we gain unity with the God of the universe, and a peace which passes all understanding.-
Living for Him, under Him, and through Him daily,
Kate