I have been like a roller coaster. I finally stopped it today. I just took a nap, cried and then spent some time relaxing, talking to friends, reading...Things I haven't done for a month....I do quiet time daily...But there is a difference between resting and enjoying the Lord or doing it in a rush between a meeting and class-
He is stretching and striping me of me. This has been an ongoing theme for almost a year. A crash course in less of me and more of Him. No more validation in others, He's not even giving me the chance to fall into that one. No more worth in activities or accomplishments, mono and struggling through classes took that away.
Can I find Him and enjoy Him in the mundane tasks?
Of course I can @ Cru, bible study, church, retreats, etc...But what about at work, studying, class?
I want to rest in Him. I want to be able to do nothing for 2 hours at a time. I want to have a weekend to be with Him for a full day in the Word ...Or hiking the bluff. I am through with settling with this world's cheap offers.

"I have found the answer is to love You and be loved by You alone"
"I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutings, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Cor. 12:10~
All I am Yours- Kate

This is HUGE: Read this....Let it sink in and let us, as a generation set ablaze a passion for the glory of God. This is not religion, this is a relationship. If you cannot say this is passionate exaltation for Who He is, ask yourself why...Because it is about much more than going through the motions-
Scores of people in Bible-teaching churches today profess faith in Christ, yet their hearts lack a vital, passionate, fervent love for the Savior. Their worship is dutiful, not delightful; their speech about God is distant rather than personal. But we assure these people of their salvation. We imply, in how we preach and pray and Evangeline, that walking an aisle or praying a prayer is equal to regeneration. And we will answer to God for our neglect of the true, biblical gospel.
Once again, this is to be an open forum, if you have thoughts, if God is stirring the inner chambers of your soul, expound on this forum- people read this, together, let us seek to pursue Him with Whole hearts, not broken, dissolved, lethargic and inconsistent attempts to meet the "quota"...

Lake Tahoe Summer Project Pictures~ 

God is our Rock...what Beauty, what Majesty-  

The little lakes of Lake Tahoe- Fallen Leaf and Angora Lake 

A photo of me taking a picture at Cave Rock in Lake Tahoe~ 

"Jesus says that the root of anxiety is lack of faith in our heavenly Father-"
So it's almost 5am and after a long day of classes, studying and work....i still can't sleep. Its not that I'm not tired, because that would be an understatement...it's that I'm anxious. After more than an hour of allowing my mind (actually, feeling helpless to stop my mind), to think of everything possible and then stress about every aspect of everything possible...I decided to pray and read what Piper had to say about it. Just to let you know the extent and primary focus of my pointless anxiety, I'll give you a snapshot of my thoughts:
"...I have to get up at 8 and do math, then go to math...oh man i'll be tired tomorrow...i have classes, work ...can i memorize famous daves menu more during I-S? No...it's lab. Shoot. That means I can't do quiet time until after work...and i certainly can't take a nap so I'll be so tired ...and i have to serve for 6 hours at least tomorrow night...and then i have to come back and study math...i have that huge exam......i wonder if i should take a class during j-term...what class....?"
Sadly, this continues for way too long. Too long being for more than a minute...
SO the point of all this? What God just shared with me in the form of John Piper:
Jesus says that the root of anxiety is lack of faith in our heavenly Father
Now I know, this is not some annoyance ....but a sin. It makes sense doesn't it? But how blind we are when lost in our own thoughts. Anxiety= Unbelief. Lord, help me with my unbelief. Lord, help me trust You are sovereign...God, help me stop allowing these thoughts and combat them with Your promises. Help me trust you with my health...with providing energy....grant me eternal perspective....help me to cast all my fears...for You sustain. You lead my to quiet rivers, you are my shepherd and in You i put my trust. Help me to seek You first. Help me to forget none of Your benefits..You Are Lord. -
Chief of sinners, Your faithless daughter....Kate

Not too busy for God, but REALLY busy!
So....If I don't write much lately, it's b/c I am working like a crazy woman serving at Famous Daves BBQ and Bar. It's a hard but good job. I'm working 4 days in the next 6 days...plus tests and school and ministry .....oh my!!! So you can pray for that....
The awesome thing is that God is the center. He is my source and i have peace which is currently passing my understanding. I have joy and my cup is overflowing....all because I'm putting Him ahead of all else.
Another prayer request: i lost a check from my dad...he'll flip...so pray that God, being the faithful God He is, will show me where it is....
also, when i have time, I MUST recount this weekend b/c it was so GREAT!
ok sorry this was so ...boring....
Lyrics of the day: by Shane and Shane~ "It breaks my heart just to know You in part...."
do we long for Him that much ...so much so that it literally HURTS to not have enough of Him....that we YEARN for more of Who He is??? - Let me know, respond by going to Comments and clicking anonymous-
His, Kate

His Authority

I know i don't realize enough how much He has authority. I've been anxious about things in life lately. It's good in that it forces me to work hard to constantly be in His presence and allow Him to show Himself and His peace to me. I love Him. I love that there is peace beyond understanding, I love that He is faithful and consistent. I love that it is possible to be content in all circumstances. I love that He blesses us with times when we have plenty and times when we have nothing, and we can learn a different facet of Who He is in each of those situations. I love that My God is a passionate God who pursues me wholeheartedly. Nothing God does is half-hearted. When I see myself with "sober judgment" or, as I really am, I see how perfect He is, and I fall more for Him. He has captured my heart. He has won me over. This is a romance. It's not some lethargic religion. I only grasp Truth half of the time. I allow Satan to lie way too much. This is a fight and I know that I am called to "demolish arguments and EVERY pretention that sets itself up against the knowledge of God.." (2 Cor. 10). I love being humbled by Him and and being FORCED to fully depend on Him. We are stubborn by nature and often, the only way we will rely on Him is through running our of options or coming to an end of ourselves. - Lord, give me singleness of heart and action. I am Yours alone.

Excitement

I am excited for this body. God works His ways. A week ago I was frustrated about the state of "self-focus" our body was in. Now, after seeing and hearing the general desires from other brothers and sisters to move out, to unify first and to reach the campus- no matter who- no matter how hard it seems, I am encouraged. It makes sense though, we have to become discontented with the current situation to really make the change. We have to recognize the weaknesses of the body and be real and allow God to make them strengths.
--> Update on Kate: (if anyone does read these, you may notice there is a more frequency of entries and they are somewhat more personal...I want to be real, I want to be intentional.)
Amy (staff ) and I just met. It was good. Everytime I verbalize what I learned at project, I realize more how much God did. I am afterall, a verbal processor so that is fitting. :) I am very excited and passionate on this new chapter of my involvement in Cru. We will be starting a woman's "team" and working on unifying the woman through organizing Cru-wide woman's times once a month. This is my calling. This is where I feel like I come alive. Pray for this ministry- it is His. --also, I've been encouraged by the peace that has come to relationships that were anything but peaceful. God has healed Case and I and there is a peace. We are brother and sister and that is perfect. Karen has grown and is in the light- freedom is something real and chains have been broken...I don't know if i've ever prayed so hard and so consistently as I did for my beloved sister. I love her as that and I carried that burden with her, although it was inwardly, it was always there. My current roomie, Ash, is a farting machine. On a serious note, we get along wonderfully and are both deep and crazy all in one!
Ok, I'm going to go be with The One in Whom I find all things- all love, all validation, all Truth, all restoration...
Question of the Day: Why are we, as Christians, scared to hold one another accountable so often when we know we are not loving one another fully unless we do?

The Harvest!
Wow. That's all I can say. God has done so much. 20 woman came to dinner before CRU and almost 15 actually came to Cru....girls all over the dorm walk by and say, "hey, I'm comin to Shine next week." This is God's power. This is the power of prayer revealed. This is His will- that ALL might know Him.
Famous Daves' (my new place of employment) is going to be quite the place to minister to. Jeremy and I are excited to show Christ's character - That is a prayer request for sure.
On a more personal note, I've been getting real stressed out lately from school. I have a tough semester with Business courses and I'm letting it get to me. I was reading Matthew 6 today, and that is an AWESOME chapter. The KJV talks about praying in "thy closet" ...getting ALONE with Him...and entering prayer to experience true communion with Him- that's where my hope, peace and eternal perspective is derived from. Also, Chambers writes, "It is impossible to conduct your life as a disciple without definite times of secret prayer." I cannot serve two masters. I cannot serve God and School. Surrender time- "Seek first the kingdom and the rest will be given unto you." Pastor Tommy always told me, fall in love with God and the rest will fall into place. It's almost scary how true that is. Complexity immediately sheds its layers and becomes simplicity- THANK YOU JESUS!
QUESTION TO ANYONE WHO WANTS TO WRITE A COMMENT: What's the best way to minister to the gay population?

Shine
We just finished the first Woman's Time in Hutch Hall. We did a relaxed night- made cookies and got to laugh and get to know one another. There were 2 non-christians...it was an awesome opportunity to share my testimony and the gospel with them. They are depraved. They are missing all that they need; God. One of them is going to read Case for Christ, pray for them, both of the are actually named Jessie. God wants them to be His alone. He loves them passionately. I tried to stress that to all the woman tonight. There were about 10-12 others. I shared about His Satisfying Love. This time restored me greatly. Seeing the woman God has called me to love with His love. Knowing how much He desires to flood their hearts...it truly revives me. Serving Him revives me. That is strange, but i guess not really. Because it is then when i'm not focused on Kate, it's then when i am pouring out of His strength and His source of love...that source is never-ending, unlike my own depleated source. If you EVER want to comment on any of these entries, write to me at katescaptivated@hotmail.com-
Learning to Love - Kate

Tired
Honestly, I am just worn out today. I just want to sleep or watch a movie or something. Something's gotta give. I can't drop school, i can't drop work b/c without it i can't go to school. Ministry is awesome and i know God's calling me into it...but am i in the place He wants me or that He can use me the most? I love the song by Tree 63 that says, "I'm just so glad, that when I can't, You can." AMEN! I only want to invest in what He desires me to invest in. I know He wants me to enjoy His presence, and savor Him, not be running around like a chicken with her head cut off. As most of you know, while my knowledge of my "busyness disorder" has grown, my ability to do something about it is still subpar. I am going to go spend time with Him, and just let Him hold me, and speak encouragement and wisdom to His depleated daughter- I know He's got all authority- I love all of you greatly ..thank you for caring enough to read these things- I someday will have the time to show all of you the love i have for you....the ideas and desires that run through my head about notes, dates, conversations, cards, gifts, phone calls, etc. are endless- my capacity to carry them out, however, is full of limits.
well, I'm out. -

I am Moved

I was so moved today @ First Free. I just started crying. It was one of those rare moments where I stop being consumed by my own little world long enough to grasp the Truth of how wretched I am and what He did for me. He broke the chains. Chains that may have been invisible but had FULL control - I was captive to things that were only destructive. Now, I am free. I know freedom in Christ. Webster sheds some light on what freedom is:
1. Not controlled by others.... I no longer answer to anyone but Christ. I am no longer forced to please everyone else, I am called to live by God's standard. It is freeing in that I am no longer pulled by 1000 different people in 1000 different ways. He is my Audience and it is an Audience of One.
2. Not allowing slavery: He gives us freedom and He doesn't allow slavery. Now, I have been a slave to something - I have been lost in emotion, standing on lies and not on Truth, walking by sight and not by faith- but slavery is literally NOT ALLOWED when I am seeking Him, obeying Him and standing on Truth. His power, His presence, DEMOLISHES the chains.
3. Not subject to a duty: Religion is about duty. A relationship is about heartfelt, compelled, longing. It could be the same outwardly, the same action down to a T, but the motive, the hidden inner motivation can be as different as day and night. My genuine love for Christ will COMPEL me to act and my sincere devotion will produce good works.
4. Made or done voluntarily: Christ gave us this. We do not deserve it. He did it because of His Father's love for us.
It's awesome how Webster Definitions are so consistent with the Bible's definitions. - why is that? Because it's TRUTH.

How are we called to live as a body?

The obvious answer here is that we are called to be set apart. We are to STAND OUT in our living, our speaking- we are to allow Christ Himself to manifest His character through our feeble life. I am to lose my life and will what He wills, want what He wants and long for what He longs for - He longs for change, for transformation, for radical conversion, for captivated disciples, for whole-hearted devotion, for a unified body- one in purpose and in spirit. Truly, we have to know two things to grasp this:
1. This life was never mine. We, (ALL of us), were created to know God and make Him known. The chief end of man is glorify God BY enjoying Him forever. This world lies to us, creating an illusion that I am here for me. In this, I am consumed by me, and this existence is pathetic at best. There is never enough, never true fulfillment, we settle and fail to take hold of the abundant life He came to give.
2. To "lose myself" is something seemingly negative. This assumption couldn't be more off-base. To give God ashes and in return receive beauty, to give a broken, decrepit, disheveled, sinful, empty, lonely, incomplete life and in return receive fullness, truth, depth, fulfillment, satisfaction, joy, growth, change, completeness, forgiveness, love, and purpose- it's an easy exchange, it's not fair, but it's a simple choice. We get the good end of the deal; He is that loving, that is sacrificial love. I will gladly lose my life for more- for Him. Jim Elliot, an incredible and God-fearing missionary once wrote, "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." Take a second and let the truth of this statement sink in-
Knowing that this is not "my" life- but rather a vessel and gift given to honor the One thing worth honoring as well as understanding what He desires to do within us is crucial to our comprehension of being a body of power and love.

I'm going to be real honest now- I'm frustrated with the state of our body. We are inward focused - we can talk about bible studies and Cru, but it ultimately comes down to our deep desire for others. We are here to love those who don't know real love, not to try to be loved and feel secure from our fellow believers.
We are here to accept and welcome, to be a sharp contrast to the cold and harsh world we live in, not remain in cliques and be comfortable. What have you done today that you couldn't have done without the power and boldness of God's spirit?
Gossip, division, jealousy, pride- these things are plaguing our body today. Lets not deny it, lets realize it and move to transform the state we're in.
HOW ARE WE TO DRAW OTHERS TO CHRIST IF WE AREN'T CONVEYING THE SATISFACTION HE BRINGS AND THE LOVE AND UNITY HE CAME TO PORTRAY???
There is always going to be things about churches or groups that we don't agree with. Instead of giving up, change it. Pray. Set the standard. Speak truth in boldness. I'm ready to be radical for Christ. We're in this together-

Let's not be ok with a general lukewarm mentality. Let us get frustrated about being lethargic and shed our complacency for passion, boldness, desire, obedience and selflessness.

- please pray for this, and I would LOVE to talk to anyone about this- I love you each, fully and with the affection of Christ.

A Work in Progress

God is changing me. That's so good because I need to change. I'm tired of being human. As one, I am selfish and thoughtless and no matter what, I am capable of nothing truly good. That's ok with me as long as I allow Christ to manifest Himself in and through me. I don't need to know that He is, but I do need to allow myself to be "hidden in Christ" - to decrease and thus, allow Him to increase. How can He fill something unless it has emptied itself of itself? Tahoe was hard. There were MANY fun, great memories but overall it was a time where God surfaced my hurts, my confusion and everything I have ever attempted to push down. There was no ignoring my sin, my struggles and my inability to keep pouring out without allowing Him to heal and refine some deep crevices of hardship. Until this week, I was just confused in how He had worked in Tahoe. But He is bringing some clarity to my life- I am His. I am no longer someone who needs people all around, I am someone who needs Him all the time. I am no longer wanting an ocean of shallowness as far as relationships go, but instead, a pool of depth. I am the chief of sinners, I am nothing without the One who is my everything. He has refined me so much and I feel as if I am at this cliff, all I have to do is jump off, take one more step and allow Him to cradle me as I decent...I am ready to leave behind what I held onto for security- the only TRUE security there is is in Christ....Why run after anything that God does not simply permeate through and through? I love you all- thank you for your patience, I am learning and I am a work in progress - Kate

My Entire Life
If i could, in one paragraph, capture my heart's desire, my soul's longing and my spirit's pursuit it would be the following, written by a missionary in Africa:

I’m part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have the Holy Spirit power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I’m a disciple of His. I won’t look back, let up, slow down, back away or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure. I’m finished with low living, sight walking, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, worldly talking, cheap giving, and dwarfed goals. I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don’t have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience, am uplifted by prayer and I labor with power. My face is set, my gate fast, my goal is heaven, my road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions are few, my guide reliable, my mission clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the face of the enemy, pander at the pool of popularity or meander in the maze of mediocrity. I won’t give up, shut up, let up, until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, preached up for he cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus. I must go ‘til he comes, give ‘til I drop, preach ‘til all know, and work ‘til He stops me. And when He comes for His own, He will have no problem recognizing me... my banner will be clear!
if that doesn't encompass all that i am - or all that i want to be in heart, spirit, mind and body- there is nothing out there that will-